Hi, I am Josh Samarco, and I am learning how to become human again.
The year was 2005. I was a first-year student in college. The fall semester had begun, and I had been hearing rumblings about an online site called Facebook, where many of my high school friends were hanging out.
For reference, in high school, I had a page called Blackplanet. This was a space to interact with friends and meet random people online. (this was probably one of the first dating websites) So, I was somewhat familiar with this new online site called Facebook. I heard it was for college students, and I wanted to stay in touch with many of my high school friends and classmates. I thought to myself, why not give it a try?
I typed http://www.facebook.com
I entered my college email address, set a password, logged in, and unlocked a new world.
To my amazement, I started to search friend by friend and classmate by classmate; I began connecting with all my people. It was amazing. My college roommate (Boone) and I had a contest about adding the most friends. Within the first semester, I believe I got close to having nearly 1,000 friends. At least it felt this way.
What became a place of online connection slash keeping in touch with friends also became an online addiction.
In our college dorm, we had access to a 24-hour computer lab. Because I was a first-generation college student and a part of the TRIO department, I could rent a laptop for free. This gave me 24-hour access to this new online space that never seemed to get old.
What made this new experience better was Boone and I learned how to scan photos in the library, add them to our Facebook, and create albums. Our Facebook became a new place to store old memories, reminisce about our high school days, and upload new moments we were experiencing in college. Many hours were spent pouring into our Facebook pages and newfound community.
As an 18-year-old college student, being away from home and from people you’ve been with daily for many years was hard. Having Facebook made the transition to college so much better. I didn’t have to grieve separation and not knowing how someone was doing for long. I now had direct access.
You may be saying to yourself, okay, Josh, I get it. I remember my journey to the world of Facebook, too, but what does this have to do with becoming human again?
That is a valid question.
The year is 2024 now. I realize I have been on Facebook for 19 years. 19 years!? I spent almost 20 years of my life in a digital and virtual space. This is unbelievable and so wild to me! Is it not to you?
Stay with me.
Because of my Christian faith, I have spent time away doing what is called a fast or a social media fast throughout my young adult years. I’ve even done a social media detox in 2019 for four months. (see Cal Newport’s Digital Minimalism book for more details).
What led to my digital detox in 2019 was learning about screen time and how much I spent on my phone daily. I did the math, and over 15 years of being digitally connected, I had spent over four months living in a digital world.
I remember when many people were up in arms about Facebook becoming Meta. Somewhere, I read or heard someone say, “You are already spending over eight hours a day online. You are already living in a Meta world.”
The question I had to ask myself and continue to ask is this: Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published
Is my humanity dependent on having online profiles and keeping them up to date?
It sure feels this way!
Between the amount of time I was spending online, and the amount of time I was giving people in person, I was torn and had to reevaluate just how important living a life online really is. I remember having several conversations with people over the last six years and saying to them that who they project themselves to be online doesn’t add up to who they are in “real life.” Of course, this led me to do a heart check myself. There are times when I’ve projected online, and it didn’t match up with who I was.
You and I don’t owe anyone anything. I get it. Many of us have built online audiences and people who appreciate our posts. As great as this is, we don’t owe it to others to continue giving away our humanity, share so many details with the world, and not create the necessary space for ourselves and others.
How exactly am I becoming human again? That is a great question.
I am almost two months into being off my social media channels. My screen time has dropped by nearly four to five hours. I spend more time with my head up, looking into people’s eyes. My mind is more clear and more aware of how to process information in real time and not alongside social media. I have more time (outside of a busy work season) to give to others, starting with my family.
I am back writing. Let’s go! I am diving deeper into readings I have been putting off for a while. I am learning healthier ways to process stress, busyness, and emotions. I am naming the numbness I often feel because of a traumatic past. I am healing and grieving in ways that I may not have if I hadn’t given my mind and heart the space it needed.
I am hearing more clearly and seeing the world around me in beautiful ways. I am finding ways to advocate for myself and others. I am giving God more intentional time. I haven’t gotten to this part yet, but I hope a consistent exercise rhythm will pick up soon.
I hope to gain a deeper appreciation for life, creation, and humanity by being offline for an extended period. As someone who has seasons of anxiety and depression, being offline for SAD season and this winter has helped me navigate in a way that I haven’t experienced in a long time.
I feel connected to me. I feel connected to my immediate family. I am learning to reconnect with family and friends. This is a process for me, and it has taken some adjusting to; however, I am hoping this can be a new normal where I can spend time doing more things that I love than giving hours a day, week, and month to an online space that takes up too much of my time.
As I bring this post to a close, I’ll say this. I am still a huge fan of social media and being online. In these almost two months of being offline, I do miss it at times. However, it can become a bit much for me. Whether I tend to or not, I take in people’s lives, and if you ask me about someone I am connected with online, I can tell you exactly what they are up to, what job they have, and how their lives and relationships are going. That’s too much information to absorb. (it’s the stories on IG and Facebook. They are free listening sessions to someone’s life)
How about you? When did you last take time away from social media to reconnect with yourself and others? What was that process like for you? Do you feel like you have lost a sense of your humanity being online for as long as you have?
Drop a comment. I would love to hear how you navigate a world that pushes you to be in a digital space and spend most of your time online.
Josh Samarco 